Jillian is still feeling a little glum after the whole Ed situation, so she gives Robby the first one-on-one date. Robby? Really? As you may have learned from our Bachelor Burning Questions gallery, both the producers and the Bachelor/Bachelorette have a say in which contestants get the one-on-one dates — and this seems like a case where the producers’ wishes outweighed Jillian’s. She’s never once exhibited any real interest in him. Not that Robby has noticed — he’s ”walking on air” and excited to impress Jillian with his cocktail making skills. She gives him with a chaste peck on the cheek (might as well have given him a hug!!) and this ringing endorsement: ”When I’m around Robby, I feel like I’m five or 10 years younger.” (Last week she said Michael made her feel like she was ”19 again.” Jillian, you’re only 29! What’s gone wrong in your life to make you feel so old?)

….The Bachelorette is encouraged, but she still needs to find out if Robby is ”ready to start a family” soon. Yes, because who wouldn’t want to have children with a 25-year-old bartender who’s ”kind of in between jobs right now”? (just the kinda guy you need in this economy… not!) Anyhow, Robby vagues it up and says he’s ”just looking for someone to be with.” Unfortunately that’s not enough to keep him on board. Explains Jillian, ”I’m not sure he’s thought about where he’s going to live and how he’s going to pay the bills.” Cue the screeching brakes! It’s time to throw Robby from the train. In a rare act of kindness from Team Bachelorette, the Rocky Mountaineer comes to a full stop before ejecting the spurned suitor. (that was COLD! figuratively and literally)

…Just before Wes strolls into Jillian’s room (which, by the way, looks like it was decorated by a 12-year-old Moroccan girl- hahahaha), he lays his intentions bare. ”If there’s anybody here for a hidden agenda, it would probably be me, because I’ve been working on an album for over a year… I have nothing to lose. I have everything to gain. So I kind of just slip right back into Jillian mode.” Honestly, I don’t really care whether any of these guys were offered money to appear on the show, because there are plenty of fame-seeking narcissists out there who would be more than happy to play to the camera for free in exchange for a little exposure — and Wes is one of them. ”The fame that I get from this, it’s almost like I taste it and I eat it and it comes inside of me and it becomes a part of me,” he bloviates, rubbing his chest in egomaniacal ecstasy. ”I got records to sell.”

The group plays a spirited game of hide-and-seek in the snow, and then Jillian pulls Jake aside to tell him that she likes him a lot even though the haven’t spent much time together lately. He responds with the six words all women long to hear: ”You’re a lot like my mom.” (i dont remember hearing this!?!? no dice)

…Kiptyn goes on in his marble-mouthed way to tell the Bachelorette that he likes her and he’s not one of those people who ”want what they can’t have,” and when someone shows interest in him, it makes him more attracted to them. Translation: ”I know you’re hot for me, and I like it.’‘ So once again he manages to sound arrogant, even as he’s trying to be flattering. And she LOVES it. They make out on the furry pillows. (Side note: What the hell is that gold pimp watch Jillian has on? Did Flavor Flav have a garage sale? I caught this too.. bling bling)

…..Michael, realizing he’s getting his but kicked by the ”front-runners” on the date, decides to ”step it up a notch (omg)” by asking Jillian an inappropriate question in front of the group: ”What do you wear when you sleep?” Her answer — underwear and a tank top, unless she’s loaded, in which case it’s just undies (did she say that??)— elicits a creepy grunt from Michael and the admission that he sleeps naked, with his underwear around his leg just in case the camera crew comes knocking. Tanner P(ervert), who has an uncanny ability to make an uncomfortable situation even worse, then decides to show Jillian what he sleeps in by pulling down his pants to reveal some extremely tight tighty-whities. ”That’s what daddy wears, right there!” And because she is a lady, or tries to be, Jillian cannot admit to LOVING it. ”I just don’t want to see somebody’s package yet. I’m not ready for that yet,” she says. ”Although it was huge(???), I don’t need to see it again.” (Agreed!)

…Tanner is so ethralled with Jillian’s tootsies, he can’t keep his mind on the conversation at all. When Jillian tries to tell Tanner why they haven’t had a one-on-one date, he interrupts her with ”Your feet are soft as s–t!” When will this guy learn that a relationship built on ”this little piggy” simply can’t last? Soon, it’s Michael’s turn for some alone time, and he’s no fool — if s’mores don’t get Jillian in the mood to kiss him, nothing will. Jillian admits that she’s ”still looking for that physical connection” with the diminutive break dancer, and informs us that ”something needs to give me a sign that I need to keep him around.” Given that the scene ends with nothing more explicit than a fireside snuggle, I’m guessing the sign never came. (but she keeps him =( OVER JAKE!

Meanwhile, for some ridiculous reason, Tanner decides to reveal to the bachelors that he started Girlfriendgate…

To make it clear to everyone that he’s a Bad Guy who’s there for the Wrong Reasons, Wes spells it out for them: ”I’ve already made it six shows now, you know what I mean?… I’ve already sang my song that I wrote for Jillian. I frickin’ serenaded her. It’s a no-brainer. I’ve got what I wanted. If I can get a little publicity on TV, I can haul ass, or I can stay and try to get the girl.” Yep, it’s clear that Wes’ time is going to be up soon — otherwise why would Team Bachelorette use all of their ”he’s a jerk” ammunition now? (INTERESTING.. we didnt think about that!!) Finally, in the gratuitous hot tub scene, Jillian gives the rose to Kipper. Tanner and Jesse look pissed, and poor Michael is so devastated he cries in his confessional. (again?!!? i dont remember this cry session- enough with the crying, Michael)

Date with Reid: He manages to tell her that he wants to be in love and that he wants a ”normal, happy family” someday, but that’s about as deep as the conversation goes. Pretty soon, it devolves into kissing and giggling about Reid’s extremely mature theory that red ears signify high blood pressure or horniness.

Finally, we learn why the guys keep referring to Reid as ”neurotic”: Apparently he’s a hypochondriac germaphobe! When Jillian presents him with a romantic fondue dinner, Reid explains that the whole concept of fondue freaks him out because he somehow thinks the raw meat contaminates the boiling hot oil. And she… LOVES it? ”Reid is not afraid to tell me what his imperfections are, and in turn it makes me a lot more comfortable around him.” Though Jillian is ”a little bit worried” that she and Reid don’t have a lot in common, he gets the rose and a ticket to the final five. (A rose that could have been given to JAKE! but no she gives it to a guy she is still unsure about.. she even said she didnt know if they had anything in common.. which maybe important in a relationship… i dunno…)

During his preliminary chat with Jillian, Chris  dances around the Wes question, asking Jillian if she’s worried about the ”stigma” that is associated with musicians. (Key: ”stigma” = ”tendency to be shameless self-promoters and carriers of venereal disease.”) Shockingly, Jillian says she is not worried: ”Wes is the kind of guy who, I don’t think he knows how to lie.” (omfg- jillian!!!) Uffda. With Tanner, though, she wishes he’d use his time with her ”more efficiently” (hahah.. by telling you who has a gf) and focus less on the other guys and more on ”him and I.” It seems like Michael might also be trouble because he’s too young and perhaps not ready to settle down. Oh, come on Jillian! Give the little guy a chance!! (nooo)

rose ceremony time: When Jillian walks into the room, Michael looks like he’s going to barf  (Yea he did)….And bless his compact little heart, Michael makes the sweetest plea for his romantic survival that we’ve heard all season: ”Jillian, I’m telling you — I’m not a guy that needs to know a lot of girls. I have not had a one-night stand, I don’t do that… The one thing I’m missing in my life is the forever person, you know?” And what do you know — it works!!!!!

aww the blogger disses Jake… while Jake is ”blindsided” and confused. ”What was it?” he whispers to the Bachelorette. ”Can you tell me?” All she can say is, ”I just felt like it wasn’t right,” because ‘‘You are really freaking boring” probably would have been a little too harsh.